Swanky But Don't Touch

There was a man named Edwin Bernays who was known as the Doctor of Spin. He actually invented subliminal advertising and made his fortune getting women to smoke, chew gum and clean. After World War II they had to get the women out of the work force and back in the home so the guys could get their jobs back. Hmm…the women really liked working and the freedom it provided them. So Bernays came up with the idea to renovate the kitchen and make it more streamlined. Out went the old kitchen table and the icebox and in came chrome and white and shiny stuff. And it was much harder to keep clean, so the little lady had to work harder to keep the kitchen clean with all the “time saving” appliances she now had.  That was 60 years ago. 

Ooops….no I guess Bernays was also the father of the kitchen renovation.  And I’m not sure whether to be grateful or cuss the guy out. (He’s dead so he’s lucky millions of women have not risen up and killed him). Ah the renovations in the kitchen are done, and what a swanky kitchen I have. Its all white, very streamlined and what isn’t white is stainless steel. And literally that’s the rub. Now every fingerprint shows on the stainless. My daughter reassures me they make special stainless steel wipes. Great.

Then there’s all the granite. See how it shines. See the special products I now need to keep it clean. Gone is the butcher-block counter where I could slice, dice and drop hot pots. Now I have different cutting boards for different purposes. I have glass, bamboo, butcher block, and granite. BTW the granite one is so heavy I’m sure I’ll break it by week’s end.

Oh look at those white white cabinets. Wow they’re shiny and bright too. Yeah and I’ve already got some dirty fingerprints on the inside of one and yes there is a special product to get that out. 

Wow how about that sleek cook top. It’s black and stainless. It has a computer chip. It has child locks that the cats turn on by walking on the top. It takes me several minutes to unlock the cook top. And yes it has a special product to clean it too. The hood is pretty space age too. I haven’t had an exhaust fan in years, but I’m wondering how to keep the glass part clean and where to change the filter. I’m suspecting this could get really ugly.

I gave the old refrigerator away to one of the workmen for this fabulous new edition. It does everything but brush my teeth and it reminds me every 15 seconds if I leave the door open. It lets out a piercing alert that makes the dogs next-door howl with indignation and makes me want to kill the alarm. I’m going to have to read the directions to see if I can turn the little sucker off. It seems that all appliances come with beeping mechanisms now. Even the washing machine and dryer beep incessantly to tell me “Get up here you lazy sloth and clean the lint filter!”

I have the kitchen now from all the HG T.V specials, the counters from Architectural Digest, the cabinets everyone swoons over, and yes about 8 more hours in my week just to keep it clean. Maybe I’ll just look at it and get take out.