Cancer

Harambee was a great time. It was amazing to see how beautiful the center was, all the
people having such a good time. We did well for our first fundraiser and I thought how grateful I was to everyone who helped. I hope they appreicate it in Kenya. It was a lot of work.

I wanted to wait until it was over to write this piece. It was written a couple of weeks ago but for obvious reasons I figured it was better to wait.

I called my doctor on Friday, mostly to complain about how tired I was after the surgery he had performed the week before. I assumed everything was all right since I hadn’t heard from them. It’s that joking with God thing that I always seem to get caught in. When the secretary put me through to him, I thought it’s just because we are old friends, Dave and I. Alas, he cut right to the chase and said cancer. That’s when my listening skills went right out the window. I was lucid enough to get the names of the doctors he wanted me to call on Monday (which became Tuesday since in Boston we must take the entire day off to run the Marathon or watch it or something else which no one in the other 49 states does).

In hindsight, I think Dave held his own quite well as I argued with him that I needed the surgery to wait until after I got back from Kenya. He averred and said it might be possible, but that I would have to wait and talk to the new surgeons. So we finished up and I sat with it for a while. Then I called my amazing daughters who rallied within moments of notification. They got busy taming their fears by calling each other and setting up a conference call with me for Saturday.

I have often quoted Micah and truly I believe in the quote. The doing justice and loving mercy comes quite easily to me, but the humility part with Him leading, I really suck at that. I fool myself from time to time that I am a good do-be and am walking with humility, but I’m just fooling myself. Now the real work begins.

First I had to hear that I might be sick for more than 10 minutes. My daughters would have to come and help me. I would need my friends to help, my church. And I was not going to be able to go to Kenya the end of May. God give me Grace to accept the things I cannot change. I got there by Sat. afternoon when the girls called back to discuss the game plan. Wow, they were so organized and had it so under control. Hey isn’t that my job? No, now it’s your turn to receive.

Church was a bit of a bear. My pastor knew that I had had surgery and came up to me right away to ask. His wife was in a wheelchair next to him, she’s still recovering for horrible surgery for another form of this particular beast. I told him it was cancer, and both he and Lin hugged me and tears welled in their eyes. Later, as Lin struggled to stand and say thank you to the Church for all that it had done for her and their family she also announced that she wanted the church to pray for me. Me, no, I pray for others.

When Scott came over to me and asked if I wanted to say anything, I wasn’t prepared, but here’s that walk thing. God held me up and I was able to say with some kind of grace that I understood what God had in mind and it has to do with allowing others to minister to me and to do so with humility, something I don’t do well. Lin and Scott are a remarkable couple who live their lives as beacons of light, grace and love. All that they have been through becomes my guide for how to do this. I pray I do it half as well.

It is now 3 days since I got the news. I’m trying to get life in gear. I’ve been on hold with the airlines for almost an hour waiting to change my plane reservations. I know I’m talking to some guy in India. He must be used to people screaming at him, since he keeps apologizing for keeping me waiting. This would be the 3rd time I’ve changed the ticket.

The villagers did not send out their receipts as of a couple of days ago. I do not need to rush back there. They must learn to get them to me on time, and they will now have another term to prove to us they can be good business partners. Going in October is probably better for the program and it kind of brings the lesson of who is in charge home. Hey, I can get the hang of this.

Then it was errand time. I had to go to the Christmas Tree Shop, Staples, Costco and Kappy’s. If I skirted the city I wouldn’t get too caught in the annual bedlam of Marathon Monday. I had to get a pile of stuff for the fundraiser on Friday. I was fine until I was in the middle of Costco and it dawned on me that I would be giving up control of my house. People would actually be coming in and running it, mostly my daughters, but others. What would they want to eat? (Yeah, you know I can’t give that up completely), and how was I going to handle that? When they left would I be able to find things? It’s amazing how your brain can wander in all kinds of directions. I’m down with that as well now, it just sort of comes and then I realize ok, yeah, that too. It’s all part of this journey. The gospel song goes “Wouldn’t give nuthin’ for my journey now”. True but we’re gonna do it anyway.

Friends, if you are reading this, don’t be afraid, don’t cry, don’t fret.It seems that as soon as I can think of something that might be a hassle, I'm fine. I have this new bracelet with feet on it and it says "This is when I carried you". I know He will. I know where He wants me, I know the lesson He wants me to learn, and if He decides to take me home, I think He won’t be pissed at me. So join me on this journey, I think we're all going to learn something.