MrClean

It’s a good thing my pre-op directions didn’t come any sooner than they did. Wow, the preparations are pretty disgusting. I have never understood why people felt it a good idea to cleanse themselves from bottom to top INSIDE. The idea of a high colonic just doesn’t make it for me. Anyway, the directions tell you to get this really nasty stuff and mix it with Sprite (other nasty stuff) until all your nasty stuff is out. All I could think of was my gay friends and surely they don’t do this. Hey guys, I don’t need the information TMI.
Then there are the directions for not eating. I don’t mean the old fashioned NPO after midnight, I mean the no eating for 24 hours. Are you kidding? Ok, I can have broth and clear fluids, but see I’m not sick yet, so why shouldn’t I live like Nero the day before Rome burns, or better yet Marie Antoinette, I do love French pastries. No way, it’s sweet tea and popsicles and nothing else. You know the pity is I won’t have an appetite after they’re finished with me. Damn, I guess I better store up on chocolate now. My grandmother always said, “Eat desert first in case you die during the meal”. I am my grandmother’s child no doubt.

They’ve got me scheduled for surgery for 12:45P. Ok that sucks, cuz when you’re not first up you can wait forever, and usually you do. Last time I was so faint from hunger I had to have them put a line in me so I didn’t pass out waiting for the OR to be free. Believe me Dave wasn’t thrilled since he was good to go at 1:30P and wanted to be off to Savannah by 3P. I hope this time they just drug me up enough that I don’t care until it’s too late.
I often tell my clients don’t do unpleasant things more than once. Which means if you think about yucky things you are doing them because thought creates illusion, and then you get to do them for real. In this case I’m going to hide the ingestible Mr. Clean until I need to drink him up. No use thinking about a guy who lives in a toilet.

Keep the faith y’all